Finding Rivka: Looking Beyond the Labels

Parshat Chayei Sarah and some thoughts after a disappointing election

One of the fascinating episodes in Parshat Chayei Sarah is Avraham Avinu's insistence that Eliezer travel back to his homeland to find a wife for Yitzchak. Despite having established himself as a respected figure, a Nesi Elokim, in Cannan, when it came to finding a wife for Yitzchak and securing the future of his family, he was unwilling to rely on the surrounding society.

Of course, Avraham's family in Charan was hardly a model of religious virtue either. Lavan and Besuel were not people whose values one would wish to emulate. He wanted someone with the qualities necessary to continue the work that he and Sarah had begun. He thus tasked Eliezer with finding a woman who possessed the character and judgment that would make her suitable for Yitzchak.

More Than a Test of Chesed

The Beis HaLevi offers a beautiful explanation of the test Eliezer devised at the well. At first glance, it seems rather arbitrary. He would ask a young woman for water, and if she offered to give him a drink and water his camels as well, he would know that she was the one Hashem had chosen. Was this simply a request for a heavenly sign, or was there something about this particular test that would reveal the qualities Eliezer sought?

The Beis HaLevi explains that Eliezer was testing her character and intelligence. He approached Rivka as a complete stranger and asked to drink directly from her pitcher. A kind person would naturally wish to help him. But once he had drunk from it, she faced a dilemma. She knew nothing about this man or whether he might have some illness, and it would hardly be responsible to bring the remaining water home for her family. On the other hand, pouring it out in front of him would be terribly insulting.

Rivka found an ingenious solution. She offered to water his camels, giving herself a perfectly natural reason to pour the remaining water into the trough without embarrassing him. She then offered to draw additional water until all ten camels had finished drinking, showing that this was genuine chesed rather than merely a convenient way to dispose of the water.

There were other qualities this test revealed as well. Drawing enough water for ten thirsty camels required considerable strength and stamina. And Eliezer stood watching while Rivka did all the work! She might understandably have become annoyed. Why was this apparently able-bodied man standing idly by? She could easily have decided that she had been sufficiently generous and that he ought to help himself. But perhaps she assumed that he was exhausted from his long journey, or had some other good reason not to assist. Rather than judging him unfavorably, she continued willingly and graciously.

These were the qualities Eliezer was looking for, and they had little to do with the labels or social standing by which people so often judge one another

Thus Eliezer discovered a young woman who combined chesed, intelligence, concern for her family's welfare, physical stamina, and sensitivity to the feelings of others. She understood that helping a stranger did not require neglecting one's own responsibilities, and that protecting one's family did not justify embarrassing someone else.

These were the qualities Eliezer was looking for, and they had little to do with the labels or social standing by which people so often judge one another.

Finding the People Who Belong Together

I have been thinking about this episode in the aftermath of the recent Israeli elections, in which I had the privilege of running for the Knesset as a candidate of HaTzibbur HaChareidi.

Our party suffered a bitterly disappointing defeat. We had hoped that many thousands would support our efforts to promote a more balanced approach within Chareidi society, protecting those genuinely devoted to full-time Torah learning while encouraging others to assume greater responsibility for their families and their country. We also sought greater educational choice and proper recognition for working Bnei Torah who support their families while remaining deeply committed to Torah and yiras Shamayim.

The results were nowhere near what we had hoped for, and there is much we need to examine about our campaign. But one of the most valuable things I took away from the experience was the opportunity to meet men and women whom I might otherwise never have encountered. Rabbonim, educators, professionals, working Chareidim, and young people searching for a place in the Torah world. They came from different backgrounds and did not necessarily agree on everything, but I was deeply impressed by their character and willingness to devote themselves to something they believed in, often at considerable personal cost.

Eliezer was sent to find someone from Avraham's family, but he did not assume that family membership alone was sufficient. He wanted to discover what kind of person she actually was.

This touches on a concern I have had for many years. In a 2012 essay entitled “Modern Orthodox or Chareidi: Are Those the Only Choices?”, I lamented the disappearance of what had once been a substantial middle group within Orthodox Jewry. These were people deeply committed to Torah, halacha, and yiras Shamayim, who respected the Gedolim and valued serious Torah learning, but who also expected most men to work and support their families, appreciated the accomplishments of the State of Israel, and did not necessarily subscribe to either Religious Zionism or the increasingly insular outlook of contemporary Chareidi society.

I grew up in that world, and it was far from a marginal phenomenon. Over time, however, this middle group largely lost its distinct identity. Today, especially in Israel, people are increasingly expected to fit into one of two camps: Chareidi or Modern Orthodox/Dati Leumi. Those who fit comfortably into neither are often left without a recognized communal home, a reminder that communal labels can sometimes obscure as much as they clarify.

Today, particularly in Israel, people are increasingly expected to fit into one of two frameworks: Chareidi or Modern Orthodox/Dati Leumi. Those who do not identify comfortably with either often find themselves without a recognized communal home

This was one reason I was so enthusiastic about HaTzibbur HaChareidi. I hoped it might help bring together people who shared that older Torah outlook and give them a place where they could feel at home.

The election did not produce the political breakthrough we wanted, but it did introduce me to many such people. I was particularly moved by those who stood by their convictions despite considerable pressure to abandon them. Their commitment to Torah, concern for Klal Yisrael, intelligence, generosity, and sense of responsibility are precisely the qualities upon which worthwhile communities can be built.

Building such a community requires dedicated Rabbonim, educators, institutions, and people prepared to invest years of effort. Perhaps one lesson of the election is that the most important work ahead of us may not begin in the Knesset, but rather by bringing together people who share these values and gradually developing communities and educational institutions in which they can flourish.

There is another aspect of Rivka's story worth remembering. When her family asked whether she was prepared to leave with Eliezer, she answered simply, "אלך"— I will go. She was prepared to leave the familiar environment in which she had grown up and undertake the responsibility of building something new.

Avraham did not send Eliezer to reform the society of Charan, nor did Eliezer return with a political program for changing Canaan. He found Rivka, whose exceptional qualities would enable her, together with Yitzchak, to continue building the future of Klal Yisrael.

I do not know what political future awaits HaTzibbur HaChareidi. But I am profoundly grateful for the people I met through this experience. We may not have found the electoral support we were hoping for, but we have found people with whom I believe something worthwhile can be built. And perhaps, like Eliezer, finding the right people is where the real work begins.