Nechama -Consolation through Reconsideration

 בס"ד

It is the beginning of the seven weeks of Nechama. We typically understand Nechama to mean consolation—something we, as a Nation, desperately need after the tragic events commemorated on Tisha B’Av.

This past Shabbos I was privileged to hear a talk by Rav Karmi Gross, Rosh Yeshiva of Derech Chaim, (One of the only Chareidi Yeshivot Hesder) who offered a deeper perspective. He pointed out that the Hebrew word Nechama often appears in the Torah with the meaning “to rethink” or “to reconsider.” The first instance is in Parshas Bereishis (6:5): וַיִּנָּחֶם ה' כִּי עָשָׂה אֶת הָאָדָם—Hashem reconsidered His decision to create Man.

Rav Gross suggested that this period is not only about consolation, but also about introspection and reevaluation — especially the notion that perhaps I am not always right, and the other is not entirely wrong. Such humility is essential, because when we view the other side as completely mistaken, we feel no obligation to compromise or reflect. This rigid stance breeds Sinas Chinam—baseless hatred. 

The Nechama that is needed to overcome Sinas Chinam is reconsideration, much more so than consolation.  Only when we are open to considering the valid points the in the perspective of the other, and to acknowledging what might be lacking in our own, can tolerance, respect, and even cooperation emerge between those in conflict.

Only when we are open to considering the valid points the in the perspective of the other, and to acknowledging what might be lacking in our own, can tolerance, respect, and even cooperation emerge

This insight resonated deeply with me as I reflect on the current tensions between the Chareidi leadership and the government over the issue of the military draft. The heartfelt speeches we heard just a week ago on Tisha B’Av, urging unity and condemning Sinas Chinam, already seem forgotten. The discourse has shifted to one of confrontation—battle lines drawn, each side vilifying the other with total certainty in its own righteousness.  A recent headline in the Chareidi paper Yated Ne'eman says it all - [We Declare] War!

It is truly heartbreaking that in the midst of a devastating war—nearly 1,000 brave Israeli soldiers have been killed, thousands more wounded, tens of thousands of families remain displaced, and the country is torn apart emotionally and ideologically over the seemingly irreconcilable goals of rescuing the long-suffering hostages and defeating Hamas—another battle has been declared.

This new conflict, regrettably, can no longer be avoided. On one side, reserve soldiers have been serving for months on end, leaving behind families and businesses in disarray, while the military faces an urgent need for at least 80,000 additional troops. The financial toll is staggering—from replenishing depleted military equipment to rebuilding shattered communities and supporting the enormous number of families who have been uprooted.
On the other side, the Chareidi Rabbinic and political leadership is fighting to preserve the status quo: a system in which young men are exempt from both military and national service, while the community continues to receive generous government subsidies. These subsidies support a lifestyle in which most men study full-time and do not participate in the workforce.

This attitude is complex and not easily reduced to a single narrative. Within the Chareidi world, there exists a wide spectrum of views. Some recognize their responsibilities as citizens of the State of Israel, while others reject the legitimacy of the state entirely. There are those who understand that what made sense seventy years ago—when the post-Holocaust Torah world was fragile and tiny—may need to be reconsidered now that the Chareidim are the fastest-growing sector in the country, numbering in the hundreds of thousands. Others still cling to a siege mentality, viewing themselves in opposition to Zionism. That broader ideological debate, however, lies beyond the scope of this essay.
The bottom line, at least from the perspective of the wider Israeli public—who often do not distinguish between these internal nuances—is that there is a large and growing group perceived as self-righteously demanding expansive financial support and blanket draft exemptions, seemingly without regard for the immense pain and sacrifice being felt across the country.

Two recent events underscore the depth of the crisis.
The first is the failure of the Chareidi parties to reach a compromise with MK Yuli Edelstein, head of the Knesset Security Committee. What is not widely known is that Edelstein offered a proposal that, while tough, was both reasonable and respectful: all Bachurim and Avreichim genuinely engaged in full-time Torah study 45 hours a week in a yeshiva or 40 in a Kollel would continue to receive exemptions. However, those not learning full-time would be expected to contribute—either through military or national service. The bill included strict enforcement measures against the (many) who are not learning full time but refuse to be drafted for national service. (I must note that this approach fully aligns with the Da’as Torah I heard from my Rabbonim in Chareidi Yeshivas Kol Torah fifty years ago.)

Rather than accept the proposal, the Chareidi parties withdrew from the coalition, threatened to bring down the government, and Edelstein resigned—whether by choice or under pressure remains unclear. Now that the government has begun enforcing the draft law, and a few young Chareidim have already been jailed, the Chareidi leadership has ordered strong countermeasures. These actions, some already underway and others under consideration, include:

• Mass protests that shut down roads, disrupting daily life and harming people’s livelihoods
• Demonstrations outside Israeli embassies in the U.S. and other countries to generate international pressure
• Organized boycotts aimed at collapsing major companies
• Mass withdrawals of bank accounts intended to destabilize financial institutions

The second event was a public statement by Yitzchok Goldknopf, head of Agudas Yisrael and United Torah Judaism (UTJ). He declared that if yeshiva students begin to be arrested for refusing the draft, the Chareidi community may consider leaving the country. “We will not change our way of life because there is an army and a war,” he said. “If the army is short 50,000 soldiers, take them from the draft-dodgers in Tel Aviv and Gush Dan.”

The reaction across the country was swift and furious — and understandably so. While some Chareidi MKs tried to walk back the remarks, many saw them as reflective of a deeply entrenched attitude. The broader public is weary of the Chareidi sector’s refusal to share in the national burden, even as it continues to demand financial support and portrays any reduction in that support as an attack on Torah itself.

Many Israelis are also frustrated by the claim that Torah study alone is protecting the nation—while hostages remain in captivity, nearly 900 soldiers have been killed, and more than 6,000 wounded. They are asking the same question Moshe Rabbeinu posed (Bamidbar 32:6): “Shall your brothers go out to war, while you sit here?”

Meanwhile, delegations are traveling to America, raising millions of dollars and warning that Yeshivos are under existential threat—despite the fact that the government’s proposal would preserve Torah study for those genuinely committed to it. Even more troubling, these campaigns insult the many deeply observant young men who do serve—with Yiras Shamayim, with sacrifice, and with integrity—in the Yeshivos Kedoshos that combine Torah learning with army service. They too are Talmidei Chachamim and Yirei Shamayim; precious Torah Jews no less than those engaged in full-time study.
Let’s be clear: the Israeli public—and this government, which is far more sympathetic to Chareidi positions than any conceivable alternative—will no longer accept the current status quo.

Those with influence in the Chareidi world must speak up. Compromise is not betrayal; it is the only path forward. There is no other way.

If we truly seek peace among Jews, if we wish to avoid strife and the unthinkable prospect of civil conflict, then something must change. There must be real Nechama—a genuine rethinking of long-held absolutist positions.

Of course, there are legitimate spiritual concerns surrounding army service. And yes, adjustments must be made to ensure that Chareidi recruits are not exposed to spiritually harmful environments. But that is precisely why serious, good-faith negotiations between Chareidi leaders and IDF officials are essential—to build frameworks that uphold kashrus, Shabbos, tzniyus, and Torah values, while also acknowledging the vital needs of the nation.
The tragedy is that, aside from a few small efforts—often dismissed or denigrated by Chareidi leadership — no serious initiative is currently underway. If leadership refuses to take the first step, then the grassroots must. Those with influence in the Chareidi world must speak up. Compromise is not betrayal; it is the only path forward. There is no other way.

Only then can we hope to rebuild achdus, restore mutual respect, and walk together toward the Geulah Shleimah.

Published in the Jewish Press and Queens Jewish Link